A quarter of a century… I just turned 25. 🙂 In primary school I had Serpil Hocam, a teacher with 25 years of experience. Back then I’d think, “wow”. And now I’ve matched her years just by being alive. I don’t know how early I am in my journey — 25 good years. I’m putting together a series called Career Talks, and I ask everyone, “Do you have any regrets? If we sent you back to your graduation day, is there anything you’d do differently?” I almost never ask the same question of myself, but when I have, I always get the same answer at this age: I’m glad I did it. What I regret is what I didn’t do — the things I did always came back to me as experience.
You can’t even imagine how quiet and reserved I was in primary and high school. I’d only talk to close circles, and only about surface topics; the deeper ones were generally argued out between “two Buraks” in my head. I’ve changed a bit since then. I think for the better. At least I can speak up now. Still, I’m only excited about topics I’m genuinely interested in. I don’t talk about everything; my heart doesn’t warm easily to people with an opinion on every subject who jump into every conversation. In that last sentence, I just expressed a negative (a kind of “no”).
I used to try never to write sentences containing a negative. This may not land clearly, but I’ve learned you do need to write the negatives — as long as it’s constructive, not destructive. Because if you ignore the negatives, you start to live inside them. You should write the negative action down, at least say it aloud to yourself, and let what enters your ears help your mind register that the action is wrong. Otherwise, over time it starts to feel normal and becomes part of who you are; forgetting the values you protected becomes effortless.
If you’ve followed me up to this line, props to you. I even forgot what I was writing and had to re-read it. Where was I — a quarter of a century…
In a quarter of a century I learned that human emotions are what matter — the world is run by emotions, not by people. I learned how rich a gift it is to be able to talk, communicate, draw boundaries, and sometimes even push back. I learned that doing all of that takes patience, and that patience pays. I understood the importance of sport and balanced eating, even if I don’t manage either consistently. I learned what a gift reading is, that the best thing for you is to think twice and speak once, and what a poison prejudice can be. I learned that even the best person can make a mistake — we’re all human. I learned that there’s death and there’s success, but success is only beautiful when there are people to share it with. I learned that there are rules, but at certain points you have to act by your own. I learned to love and to be loved. I learned that laziness, overeating and pointless gossip are like junk code that slows down your program. I learned to share, to smile, to try, to attempt, to run, to think, to empathise, to be a friend or a sibling. I might have learned a lot — but I also learned that what I’ve learned, next to what I haven’t, is no more than a drop in the ocean. I learned how important my mother, my father, my sister and the people I love are to me. I don’t know what percentage of my life I’m at — maybe 99%, maybe 30% — but I’ve learned that when I reach 100%, I want to leave this world as a servant whom God loves.
Take care.
— Burak.
